Ever since I was eight, I remember experiencing headaches on a regular basis (I always questioned if they were a result of so many hours spent with a Nintendo console as company). Lately, the severity and the frequency have increased and cost me work time as well as, you know, health. The medication works like a dream and so long as I actually take it prior to a headache beginning its invasion of my brain, these migraines will be a thing of the past.
Work this week was not altogether unpleasant. I completed eight Dollar Energy applications and served a modest twenty-one families and sixty-three individuals at the food pantry. The most difficult aspects of work came not just from the supply-side but the demand, as well.
I learned that one of my oldest clients had been deceiving me about substance abuse and had to terminate our relationship. It was trying because this client had misled me in order to apply for external services, which in turn embarrassed (and infuriated) me professionally and personally when the truth came out. In my modest career as a case manager, this was the first instance where I had to actively turn a client away in such a confrontational manner, but I think I've already put it behind me and I'm proud of how I handled it.
I finally pulled the ear of my direct supervisor and relayed some concerns about life in the agency. Although the ratio of venting to constructive criticism that I offered is probably not a good one, I addressed some specific and holistic concerns about service delivery, staff development time, and the like. I realize more and more how much I actually care about and appreciate my job not just for the paycheck, but for the chance to do meaningful and real work in person building, it might be termed.
The opportunity exists at work to mail it in each and every day; I could arrive late, fail to report adequately or honestly, falsify documents, violate confidentiality or engage in many other deceptive, slipshod and rotten practices. And I don't. There is real power inherent in the service side of service delivery and what I learned about myself this week is that I deeply care about how to best shoulder the responsibility behind that power.
Cultural mores and the media stigmatize seeking help. It's an enormous thing to walk through the door of a community center because some aspect of one's life has spun so far out of control, it cannot be reclaimed on their own. Service delivery, then, has to be respectful of clients, efficient, effective, and professional. It's an easy thing to say of course, but a hard thing to do.
In the equally important private sphere, Chavonne and I enjoyed what little of each other's company there was to be had. We watched Coraline (trippy, weird, but enjoyable enough) and just generally tried to recharge over the quiet hours. Without a cooperative game to play, I ventured into the land of Ferelden and guided Darrian (the city-dwelling elf) on a mission to rescue his betrothed and eventually into the larger quest against the swarming Darkspawn. Dragon Age:Origins, so far anyway, enjoys substituting mechanics for decisions.
Battles against brigands and the orc-like Darkspawn alike are fairly aloof, in that you select a target and watch your hero hack away until one or both collapse. The equipment screens are a pain to navigate in that you can't quickly compare any two swords against one another to judge their effectiveness. While the crumbling ruins and creaking windmills are subtly dark, the faces of humans, elves, what-have-you, are just painful to behold.
And yet, in the sometimes-provocative dialogues is where the game truly shines. Like a "Choose your Own Adventure" title, there are vastly different paths to the same goal with enduring consequences. After tithing at a local church, I inadvertently threatened a priestess to free a prisoner, himself a mass murderer. My oldest traveling companion, a Templar, didn't take a shine to me afterwards and the pardoned is so far something of a jerk and not as grateful as one would expect. There's a whole lot more to see but so far, the best part of this game is the war hound companion, Columbo.
Please enjoy your weekend and do something memorable. Time is always short.
I am so proud of you for standing up for yourself at work. You are such a remarkable self-advocate. I really hope your health gets better as your headaches decrease soon. Love you!