A Link to the Past and Future

This was a fine week, a week for mustering up courage, rolling up sleeves, jumping headlong into the fray and problem solving. First thing Monday morning, I visited my beautiful Primary Care Provider (West Penn Family Family Practice in Squirrel Hill) and finally, finally received attentive and receptive care for my lifelong history of migraines.

Ever since I was eight, I remember experiencing headaches on a regular basis (I always questioned if they were a result of so many hours spent with a Nintendo console as company). Lately, the severity and the frequency have increased and cost me work time as well as, you know, health. The medication works like a dream and so long as I actually take it prior to a headache beginning its invasion of my brain, these migraines will be a thing of the past.

Work this week was not altogether unpleasant. I completed eight Dollar Energy applications and served a modest twenty-one families and sixty-three individuals at the food pantry. The most difficult aspects of work came not just from the supply-side but the demand, as well.

I learned that one of my oldest clients had been deceiving me about substance abuse and had to terminate our relationship. It was trying because this client had misled me in order to apply for external services, which in turn embarrassed (and infuriated) me professionally and personally when the truth came out. In my modest career as a case manager, this was the first instance where I had to actively turn a client away in such a confrontational manner, but I think I've already put it behind me and I'm proud of how I handled it.

I finally pulled the ear of my direct supervisor and relayed some concerns about life in the agency. Although the ratio of venting to constructive criticism that I offered is probably not a good one, I addressed some specific and holistic concerns about service delivery, staff development time, and the like. I realize more and more how much I actually care about and appreciate my job not just for the paycheck, but for the chance to do meaningful and real work in person building, it might be termed.

The opportunity exists at work to mail it in each and every day; I could arrive late, fail to report adequately or honestly, falsify documents, violate confidentiality or engage in many other deceptive, slipshod and rotten practices. And I don't. There is real power inherent in the service side of service delivery and what I learned about myself this week is that I deeply care about how to best shoulder the responsibility behind that power.

Cultural mores and the media stigmatize seeking help. It's an enormous thing to walk through the door of a community center because some aspect of one's life has spun so far out of control, it cannot be reclaimed on their own. Service delivery, then, has to be respectful of clients, efficient, effective, and professional. It's an easy thing to say of course, but a hard thing to do.

In the equally important private sphere, Chavonne and I enjoyed what little of each other's company there was to be had. We watched Coraline (trippy, weird, but enjoyable enough) and just generally tried to recharge over the quiet hours. Without a cooperative game to play, I ventured into the land of Ferelden and guided Darrian (the city-dwelling elf) on a mission to rescue his betrothed and eventually into the larger quest against the swarming Darkspawn. Dragon Age:Origins, so far anyway, enjoys substituting mechanics for decisions.

Battles against brigands and the orc-like Darkspawn alike are fairly aloof, in that you select a target and watch your hero hack away until one or both collapse. The equipment screens are a pain to navigate in that you can't quickly compare any two swords against one another to judge their effectiveness. While the crumbling ruins and creaking windmills are subtly dark, the faces of humans, elves, what-have-you, are just painful to behold.

And yet, in the sometimes-provocative dialogues is where the game truly shines. Like a "Choose your Own Adventure" title, there are vastly different paths to the same goal with enduring consequences. After tithing at a local church, I inadvertently threatened a priestess to free a prisoner, himself a mass murderer. My oldest traveling companion, a Templar, didn't take a shine to me afterwards and the pardoned is so far something of a jerk and not as grateful as one would expect. There's a whole lot more to see but so far, the best part of this game is the war hound companion, Columbo.

Please enjoy your weekend and do something memorable. Time is always short.

Lost in the holistic view of the week that was are the small skirmishes at the border of sanity and productivity. Although I only saw four Dollar Energy clients, the pantry was significantly busier than usual, seeing thirty-eight families and 108 individuals served; this was a result of the fact that the agency's Holiday Assistance Program has begun to accept applications. Last year something in the range of 600 families were served and if this pace is any indication, it will be another big year.

However, as I review my work calendar, what I don't read were all the small difficulties that conspired to make this week an assault on the senses. Midway through the week, I lost the ability to actually send emails, which is, you know, fairly important. After effectively dissecting Eudora of its ability to communicate with the outside world and eventually installing Outlook, I realized that this week would soon be defined by its relative degrees of pain-in-the-assness.

I spent more time dragging computer processors into the 21st century than actually using them to research agencies or resources; I spent more time dialing and notating than actually providing insight; and I spent more time dragging a pen across an intake form than actually helping anyone. It's a troubling trend and one that I hope I can transform into useful, fulfilling, and productive time.

Midway through the week, I had an opportunity to earn my "Man Card" by helping Raji repair his car, whose electrical system failed immediately after work on Tuesday (necessitating I miss class). We made an admirable effort to install a new battery, but found his positive post battery cable unsafe and stubbornly immobile and surrendered. Raji eventually resolved this through the heroics of the AAA, who informed him that we were objectively in over our heads. Although it was a chilly and fruitless night, it was good to spend time flailing with Raji and it was a nice reminder that had the tables been turned, he'd have been right there for me too.

In the interest in protecting my mental health and because the reproductive labor in the Wright household had reached an intolerable level, I decided to take Friday off; I spent my early morning visiting the Pittsburgh Animal Hospital (highly recommended) and learning that both Kairi and Matlock are more porcine than canine at this point, but are otherwise happy. Chavonne and I had a wonderful weekend together finding the Holy Grail along with Professor Jones as well as having our beloved car Sophia inspected (prohibitively and astronomically expensive, I might add). We raked our yard and we cooked pizzas and gushed over couture dresses and generally enjoyed one another's company.

In a reverse from the normal trend, I enjoyed the time I spent at home despite my time at work. Ordinarily, at the end of the day, I'm tired but neither annoyed or disgusted. This week, however, my opportunities to escape served as my only tenuous links to calm. I hope, earnestly, that this changes and soon.